The following is satire and was written by Brian Halloran.
In shocking news, after the broken leg suffered by Mexican midfielder Luis Montes in yesterday’s friendly against Ecuador, the Mexican national football team has called up former United States’ standout Landon Donovan. The Mexican government simultaneously announced that they have granted Donovan political asylum from the tyrannical U.S. soccer federation and particularly its head coach (dictator) Jurgen Klinsmann.
In surprising news, FIFA, the governing body of world football, granted immediate eligibility to Donovan to play for the Mexican side. FIFA president Sepp Blatter cited extraordinary circumstances as the governing body’s rationale for approving the request, specifically noting that “the sport is not even known by its proper name in that backward country.” Miguel Herrera, the coach of the Mexican national team, was quoted as saying “We are excited to have a player of such caliber, with experience in three prior World Cups on our side. His experience alone is worth a spot on the roster, even when you ignore his potential to score goals and set others up.”
Stay tuned for the latest developments in this exciting story.